The Western Gate

How To Build A Haunted House : The History of a Cultural Obsession
Caitlin Blackwell Baines
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I picked up this book from Waterstones, Piccadilly, apparently the largest bookstore in Europe and it was on my list of things to-do. Done.
The title was certainly enticing.
I wondered if it were ‘how to craft a model haunted dolls house’, which is on my personal creative to-do list, though I’ve left that project for so long now I don’t think my now ageing granddaughters will appreciate the effort. Here’s an example.
Perhaps the book is a blueprint for what makes a house haunted~ which must surely be a mixture of “location, location, location ” and an abominable history, and also a pinch of the aura the building projects~ dodgy feng shui and problematic angles, discordant ratios.
I hoped as I delved into this tome that I would uncover the common factors;- the leylines converging underfoot, the dark environmental imprint born from evil and trauma, malice and murder, injustice at the core, the building foundations desecrating sanctified ground, or perhaps unholy sites of black mass and rivers of sacrificed baby tallow, built upon plague pits or un-consecrated paupers graves…. indeed before the quest has begun I’m salivating over ghoulish details.

I hoped the book would show me how to create phantasms and open portals in a home, to actually create my own haunted house.
Crafting Solomonic circles that open a doorway for the demons of Goetia to run free, baptising cursed dolls and giving them a soul to interact with the sensory world. Creating clutter of objects, each one being a tale of the macabre;- Like the little horde of objects cruelly kept under lock and key by the ‘Warrens’ in their ‘museum’ (From the Conjuring Films), or like the basement of the Air-BnB that was shown in the film ‘Tarot‘ filled with objects I could spend all weekend browsing through ( The idiots simply took a Tarot deck and sauntered back upstairs). Maybe it will show us how to craft a cursed facsimile book from The Ninth Gate or The Evil Dead.
As it says on the lid, How to build a haunted house. That’s what I expected and why I impulsively tore the book from the shelf.

Of course, you understand that my great anticipation will inevitably be shattered. Somewhat.

Horace Walpole’s house ~ Strawberry hill is discussed first, perhaps this being as he is accredited with writing the first Gothic Horror Novel- The Castle of Otranto. My frowns became a little furrowed as I read on with little detail about this Gothic Revival pile in regards to it and the land being historically malevolent and riddled with historical trauma, there were no rooms dedicated to the black arts, even if they be constructed for folly.
The chapter is more akin to a travel guide with a little potted history of him and it. In fact the only excitement gained for my morbidophile radar was discussion of the Cock Lane ghost to which Horace was perhaps inspired. Walpole, the dreadful snob, hated the house at 25 Cock Lane, “wretchedly small and miserable.”
The secondary title of this book, The History of a Cultural Obsession perhaps then gives an inkling to where its actually going, more about the people who built/ lived in these sort of houses, and also the fascination with the ‘supernatural’ … I knew there wasn’t going to be an instruction manual on rites and rituals to enamour a house with all the hauntings and apparitions I had hoped for.
If it doesn’t satisfy my desire, then I’ll have to write the book myself.
Part 1. We’ll create a template/blueprint, a dolls house.
Part 2: We’ll conjure and manifest the real thing.

A quick scoot at the remaining chapters revealed also at first glance, a paltry catalogue of what is on offer, Chillingham Castle, Borley rectory, Hampton court and a couple more. So I’m on a downer, not what I expect, however…,
Chillingham Castle is another of my ‘things-to-do that remain unconquered and in discussing this the author satisfies my mind eager to collate common themes in haunted houses, many of which I have suggested.
Chillingham Castle, adorned with stuffed animal heads, yeah… whatever…, however! Torture devices? that’s of interest.
So too is the ‘Stone Tape theory’ that, historical trauma or incidents imprint upon the building a magnetic quality that replays the events somewhat.
In order to create my haunted house therefore I would have to enact some drama, some theatre to imprint my will on the fabric of the house. Repeat, emulate and condition. I’m not sure the council/housing association would welcome a collection of torture implements though, and of course, new models would not do, these would have to be actual antique, that at one time were used.

As I read on I care less about my initial plan to create a haunted house and am in fact becoming more absorbed in the writer and her forays to these places, she does relay parallel places and events, its not just as I supposed, that its Borley rectory, then Hampton Court etc. She draws references to other places and yes, suggests common themes.
The inference that certain places are perhaps contrived to have a paranormal connection is clear, eg: 1/ Some Elder and Willow trees out back, 2/ A suit of Armour in the reception and 3/ a historical legacy of cruelty and deceit for the tourists. If you build it, they will come.
I am reminded of Powderham Castle, nice stately home to visit in Devon, but added onto the walkaround tour are the mentions of ghosts, grey lady, shrouded monks, the usual suspects. Its eyebrow raising but with rye sarcasm rather than astounding fear. Every house should have one, this seems to be the common theme.

Ingredi. (Caution~ Rude words ahead)

I go to my genealogy site and trace back the occupants of my house, built in 1882. I call out their names. “Gigner ! Tibble, Healey, Wells !” I call into the dark. No creaks, knocks or cold spells. I Call again, “Gigner ! Tibble, Healey, Wells !” It is only in my mind where the hearing seeks to find a predicted outcome, where my desire wants for arousal, but still in that silence and heightened sense of awareness, there is nothing. Thrice I call, like the curse of Bloody Mary in the mirror, “Gigner ! Tibble, Healey, Wells !” and realise now I am making the calls of the Fireman roll call in Trumpton ” Pugh! Pugh! Barney McGrew! Cuthbert! Dibble! Grubb!” 
Perhaps I can evoke them by cursing them, and as I call Gigner a Cunt, and Tibble a coward and Healey a nonce and Wells a rapist my spirit box, – P-SB11 -that scans random radio waves to deliver a supposed conversation with the dead barks ” Stop It” . Therein ends the dabble.
Do we create an environment for the past to clothe itself with, or do we subliminally recreate the past in order that is appeased and perhaps to enable it to continue. Do we imagine what happened, and thus project the movie onto the canvas in front of us.
In my old house I rigged up a Rocking chair I had put in the loft so that when the new occupants would lift up the loft hatch, they would be confronted with the chair, seemingly rocking back and forth. I also wrote various occult sigils throughout the house, on the inside frames of cupboards, under the widow sashes, under removable floorboards. Perhaps one day they’d be found, together with various fetishes and clay dolls and spend candles hidden in nooks and cracks. It’s called affectionally “Territorial Pissings” .

Agredi.

Now my initial misgivings, its not entirely what I was after, but then again is anything ever. One of the most rubbishing things a ‘reviewer’ can say is “I enjoyed this book,” knowing a but is coming, but, I think in hindsight reading it at the height of a summer heatwave was a poor decision, I should have read it in the midst of autumn/Samhain.
It could always be argued that so much more could have been added, but to what extent is a library consumed, will it ever be finished? Each subject is dealt with engagingly.
On completion, I can think back, can I grasp the common factors? those qualities that ‘create a haunted house’ and I can. Can I Build suchlike? That’s the problem, and I’m splitting hairs with regards the title. Behind every haunted house is a façade , behind every ghost is an entrepreneur waiting for Scooby Doo to rip off the latex mask. So it seems.
The stories of the Plantation ‘slave’ ghosts, upsetting, The Brown Lady of Raynham Hall ? A tad pinch of theatre, and speculative as is The Amityville ‘franchise’ . It does deserve to be added to the small pile of Folk Ghost and Horror shelf (below). I will wait for Autumns chilling fingers to grasp my throat and read it again….
One thing is certain, we love a ghost story.

Header Image : Borley rectory before it was demolished